BAH! =T

guess what? as to my "suprise".. my report card turned out absolutely Horrible! X(
this mark is the 2nd worst - no, maybe the Worst average ive ever had throughout my high skool life..
i almost cried myself to bed cuz of it.. no im serious, i was so disappointed in myself.. =T

so wut was this 'horrible' mark? i might as well be honest w/ u, its not like hiding will actually 'hide' ne thing.. sigh,
well the worst avg ive ever had was a 72, and this one was a 74.. yea i know its a bad mark, and i know complainin n whinin about this mark wont change a thing.. but its better if i write everythin thats in my head here rather than to lash it out at someone..

some ppl might think a 74 isnt such a 'bad mark'.. but if ur in grade 12.. and ur midterm report card is a 74.. it tells u something.. it tells u something Very Clearly..
man - i mean, i knew it was bad.. but a 74? sigh..

i was so shocked/angry/confused/perplexed at the moment i saw the seven and the four i was ready to rip it apart into pieces and burn the pieces and step on the ashes..
n e wyz.. i cant go on like this - i gotta keep my focus..

i dont have n e thing else to say..
i need a time alone away from everything..
maybe ill turn to him for help.. the one that sticks everything together in my life..

me a teacher?

2 months of skool is already gone, and yes its grade 12, the year that is the most important, the year that decides your future, blah blah etc..

but nothing's changed, im still the same old lazy ass that i was 3 years ago in grade 9.. i thought being the most important year and all, it would change my attitude towards school.. i think it did just the opposite.
grade 12 has become just another boring and meaningless year of school for me. sure you get to run the school and no other grades bother you anymore, but besides that, its the same old jail that i was in 3 years ago.

most of my peers would already have plans, know what they're going to do after they graduate, etc..
But for me, i never seem to settle with one goal.
When i was in gr7, i wanted to be a computer software engineer,
in gr9, i wanted to be a mathematician,
in gr10, i wanted to be an optometrist,
in gr11, i wanted to be a dentist,
and now - i want to teach, i want to become a teacher.
Yes i know its not a rich job, but ive got to bring my senses to reality. i know im not set to pull off 90avgs, and i know i never will - why? because i chose to slack off in the past 3 years, but that doesnt mean im mad at myself for slacking off,
im more than willing to face the responsibilities for doing so, and thats why ive set myself to be a teacher..

I am a firm believer that success doesnt necessarily mean becoming a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer, etc.
I believe success means doing well in something you love to do, not something that other people would love you for doing.

anyway - i said i wanted to be a teacher right? what kind of a teacher? well - at first i thought of teaching english, but that cant be the case since im an immigrant.. so i decided to stick with math, the only one subject that i am confident of being in.
also ive helped some ppl in math,
and ive never got a confused look or "explain that to me one more time cuz i hav no idea wut the hell ur talking about" as a feedback. So i think this is it for me, teaching math in high school.

Again, i know that this isnt the most amazing job out there, but its the best job that fits me.

and if you think otherwise - you can just take that opinion and shove it back in your throat cuz having Better jobs, going to Better universities, does NOT make you a Better person than others..
These qualities dont give you a power to judge others.. the only one who has such power is God and God only..


oh btw - guess who turns 17 tmw? >=D