whats so great about relationships?

Greetings! haha, i always wanted to say that,
guess who's back~ back again~ haha i'm finally HOME! after all the mind torturing exam days.. i'm finally back in brampton.. home sweet home~ =D i have to admit though - it was kinda sad movin out, believe it or not, i actually took a minute before i locked my suite door to think about everything that's happened in my 'frosh year'.. so many memories, some exciting, some not-so-exciting.. but overall it was pretty cool, i can honestly say i could've done so much more, but i'm happy with what i've experienced =) now - i jus can''t wait for this summer to come..

I kinda feel like talkin about relationships - i'm not an expert, and i don't think i would want to be one, cuz that would jus make things boring, but i jus feel like talkin about it, i dunno - maybe its cuz of the way things are goin these days, or maybe its cuz i never really wrote an entry about it.. regardless - i think it'll be a good entry..

So what would you say a relationship is built on? love? communication? trust? attachment? all of the above? personally - i believe a relationship is everything about trust.. if you don't have trust with that significant other, you can't or don't feel like tellin them anything, therefore there is very little or no communication.. which means you can't possibly feel attached to that person, and in the end, no connection between you two.. followin me? good.

Like the title says, i would like to ask - what is so great about relationships? sure you get to love and be loved, sure you get to cuddle and be all cute infront of people, sure you get to feel appreciated and feel like nothing else matters, and yes you get to do things that you normally would not do with other people.. but tell me, is it really worth all your time and effort to keep it together and find out in the end that it was never meant to be in the first place? normally i would say yes, because its not about how it starts or how it ends, its the during that counts and that is what you should remember.. but right now - i'm not so sure, right now - i can't think of any reason convincing enough to make me believe that relationships are what they meant to me in the past..

I'm not the type of person who gets along with their ex very well.. in fact - i don't like being around my ex.. let alone talk to them. it's juss too weird for me. i dont get how some people can juss be "friends" after all they've been through. doesn't it feel strange? it's like pretending you guys were never together in the first place, u know? you can't go "backwards" in relationships.. at least i can't - you should always go forward.. if things go the way you don't want them to go, and you can't fix it no matter how hard you try, it's time you find someone better, not go backwards and be "friends".. thats jus a waste of your time..

Which leads me to a pet peeve of mine. i find it really really sad/pitiful when people say something like "if i can't have you as my lover, i''d rather have you as a friend than not have you in my life at all" or something corny like "if there's one thing i'm scared of, its the thought of me losing you".. seriously - what's your problem? there are tons and i mean TONS of men & women out there who are jus waiting to meet you. even if you spent every minute of your life gettin to know them, you don't even get close to the half of it.. and yet you'd rather sit there and tell him/her that you'd want to be "friends" because you failed to be their so-called-"lover"? or tell them you're afraid of them being out of your life? i dont know about you but i would much rather spend that time gettin to know someone i havn't experienced yet.. i guess its cuz i believe in trying everything once, but when i hear "can you believe he said that to her, isn't that sweet?" my response would be "nope, that's juss plain pathetic.. he should get out more" - why so much hate you say? because they're so hopelessly attached to their significant other that they fail to realize what they're missing.. and that annoys me quite a lot..

And another thing - i can't stand it when people say "i'll love you forever" or "we'll be together forever" or anything in the lines of "me" "you" and "forever" combined.. doesn't it scare the crapload out of you when someone says "we'll be together forever"? i mean - sure its a nice thing to say, but can you really picture yourself with that person and that person ONLY for the rest of your life? i highly doubt you can - and if you can - its either you found your true love, or you need to find yourself a therapist.. and chances are - you're gonna need a therapist..
now i don't mean to say i don't believe in true love - i do, who doesn't? i just don't happen to believe the ones that were shown to me ever since i was a kid..

love at first sight? puh-leasseee, what kinda fairy-tale-life do you live in? lust always comes before love.
childhood sweethearts? yes - it happens, sometimes people do get married with people they've known ever since they were born, but most of them don't stay 'married' for a long time..
true love lasts forever? maybe, its a possibility, it may just as well be the only thing that is actually forever.. but that doesn't mean you should say "i'll be with you forever" to anyone you're with... because for one thing - like i said before, it is a very scary thing to say if you really think deeply about it.. and two - you may actually mean it, but the other person might get the wrong idea and feel trapped or tied to you because of somethin like that. you know what i mean?

It's not like i felt like this for a long time though, it's jus recently that i realized i'm beginning to feel this way.. i still have yet to find out why - i'll let you know when i know haha.. now that i look at it, all this was really just me complaining about relationships.. i don't complain much, in fact i despise complaining.. but i guess you'll have to pardon me just this one time ;)

march already? ho~ly

wow.. the last time i updated this blogger thing was may 2005, almost a year..
holy smokes have i been lazy haha, and i told myself i would updated this "bi-weekly"..
so much for that ^^;
i don't think it would be possible for me to write every single thing that's happened to me since august, so ill be brief..

well -june & july, no - the entire summer actually, was possibly the best summer i've ever had.. so many awesome moments to be cherished =)

then came along september and waterloo, at first i didn't like it, because one - it's ridiculously empty here! honestly, you have the rez, the plaza, library, and some clubs/bars.. thats it.. and two - almost everyone i saw looked like one of those supersmart brainer chinese kids.. i didn't think that i'd be able to find one normal looking person here.. but as time passed by, i met lots of people in the minorities category haha..
as far as work goes - let's juss say they don't call it 'a university' for no reason.. your marks really depend on how much time you sacrifice studyin.. unlike highschool hehe, but regardless - i survived the first term, so it's all good..

first term was cool - i should've spent more time on work though, now that i look at it - i jus let myself loose, without thinking twice.. it'll be one of the very very few things i actually regret doing.. but anyhow, thats enough for the overview..

second term is very different than the previous one.. first off - work is gettin bit more intense.. sometimes i find it way easier than last term, but most of the time its much much harder.. believe it or not i'm actually sacrificing time to go to the library and study.. yea i know - i don't believe it either haha, but like i said before - they don't call it 'a univeristy' for no reason..

secondly - people have changed.. i don't think i need to go into details, but i'm sure if any of them are readin this, they know what i mean.. i understand the quote "with time spent - emotion grows" quite literally.. i know it's not a nice thing to say (yes, im very aware that i'm brutally honest about my thoughts/feelings, but thats juss who i am, so deal with it), but i don't think i've ever met so many people who are just.. very.. hmm.. childish, ignorant, and two-faced.. not that i got anything against that of course - it's a free country, if you wanna be a total assclown towards things/people you don't even really know.. then thats your choice.. i'm not gonna waste my blog space to be your mommy and tell you that that's not a nice thing to do..

well, thats a real short update of mine of the past 6 months or so.. i'll write about the more recent stuff next time, til then =)

me 1 - vegetarians 0

hol-ay.. its been a long time since my last entry,
how are things you ask?
things are pretty good,
time goes by pretty damn fast when you're in your last year of 'school'..

now - i know most of my loyal 'readers/fans' were disappointed when i stopped filling my blogs,
but im back and i promise, from now on, i will write at least once bi-weekly =) (yay~)
oh and guess what - i have one month left! then im outta here (whee~)
i feel anxious, and excited at the same time, but then again, who wouldnt?

i dont really want to be too random today, so before i go off topic, im gonna expand on the title of this blog..
now - if you're a vegetarian, i highly suggest you stop reading cuz im warning you - you will be insulted/mocked/laughed at..

alrite, i've been studying vegetarianism in my food&nutrition class for the past few weeks..
and we happen to watch couple of videos about it.. and they talk about how healthy it is to be a vegetarian and how morally right it is to be a vegetarians.. not to forget the 'advantages' of being a vegetarian..
i was fine with it, i actually thought it was pretty cool, but then, some of my 'vegetarian classmates' started acting/talking like as if they were better than other people cuz they were vegetarians.. and to make thing worse, later that afternoon, we learned that there are 'varieties' of vegetarians..

this is my definition of insanity.. so here they are..
lacto-vegetarians: vegetarians who eat dairy prodcuts (cheese, milk)
ovo-vegetarians: vegetarians who eat eggs
pesco-vegetarians: vegetarians who eat fishes

oh i almost forgot to mention, there are also 'combinations' of these vegetarianisms..
so that means, there could be a lacto-ovo vegetarian, pesco-lacto vegetarians, etc (you get the picture)

this is the part that i so did not understand.. cuz the word 'vegetarian' is someone who practices 'vegetarianism', and 'vegetarianism' means "the practice of subsisting on a diet composed primarily or wholly of vegetables, grains, fruits, nuts, and seeds, with or without eggs and dairy products.."

i just had to know if this was true.. and i ran into this vegetarian, she was a pesco-vegetarian.. so that means she doesnt eat meat, but she eats fish.. this is how our conversation went..
me - "so - you dont eat meat, but you eat fish?"
her - "yep, thats what a pesco-vegetarian is"
me - "do you mind me asking why fish? but not meat?"
her - "well.. cuz fishes arent meat"
me *gives her a confused look, followed by a look that implied "ur a dumbass", then walks away..*

i wouldn't have said anything if that was it, but no~ listen to this one, i had an argument with a lacto-ovo vegetarian..
me - "why dont you eat meat? do you really think animals serve a better purpose than to be a part of our food chain?"
him - "no, i think animals are here for a far more superior reason"
me - "alright, so tell me, what do You eat?"
him - "well, i eat whatever the animal produces, but i dont eat the animal itself"
me - "oh... i see, so you drink milk and stuff, but you dont eat eggs, etc?"
him - "no, i eat eggs, like i said, i eat whatever animals produce, not the animal itself"
me - "so what you're saying is.. eggs aren't animals, they're just produced by animals?"
him - "right"
me - "wow, thats the most retarded thing ive ever heard, let me ask you something, what do eggs become?"
him - "....."

getting the point yet? i dont mean to be rude, but unless you're a "vegan" (people who eat no animal products - no eggs, no dairy, no honey, etc) and unless you're a vegetarian for health purposes (doctor's recommendation, etc) i seriously think that vegetarians are bunch of morons who goes against the true purpose of vegetarianism..

are they seriously retarded or are they trying to be funny?
them: "i eat what animals produce, like eggs, but not the animal itself, like chickens"
me - eggs become chicken you imbecile..
them: "fishes arent meat"
me - well they certainly arent vegetables/fruit/dairy/grain products.. wanna tell me what the hell they are then?

it just upsets me so much that some vegetarians actually think that they are better than others cuz they dont eat 'meat'..
either than religious or health reasons.. why are they saying they are 'vegetarians'?

because its morally right? puh-lease.. since when did humanity start thinking about what's morally right or wrong.. maybe they should act morally right by not lying to other people claiming that they practice vegetarianism...
because animals have conscience? you wish, do dogs/cats know the difference between whats right and wrong? No, therefore they have no conscience..
because they are alive and move around? oh - and i suppose plants are just dead creatures since they dont move right? how did you live all this time with such stupidity?


am i getting too cruel here? you think so eh? well Good, because this is exactly how i feel about vegetarians.. like i said, i respect vegans cuz they practice vegetarianism, and i dont mind people who are vegetarians for health reasons.. but those 'types' of vegetarians who look down on others? it makes me wanna puke, how dare they try and pretend to be something they're not - and actually think that they are better than others just because they have the name "vegetarian"?

so - the next time you hear someone talk down to someone else cuz they're so called "vegetarians".. do me a favor.. laugh at them, and walk away...
and any of the vegetarians out there who want to prove me wrong, go right ahead and leave a comment..
i'd be more than happy to break your pride..

change.. is it worth it?

Long time no see haha,
im back with more thoughts to write about and also to apologize,
ive been extremely busy with exams and all, i got so caught up with school work that i didnt hav time to even think about writing a journal...

but n e whoo - whats been up? well i juss finished my physics exams which i found really easy, so im guessin its safe to assume that i did very well =)
2 exams down, and 1 to go.. i cant wait til its over, juss the thought about getting out of highschool makes me jump.. literally haha

im not a 100% sure, but lately people are telling me that i dont look/talk/act the way i used to be.. what the heck does that mean? i have no idea - so i asked few people about it.. and it turns out that they're not seeing the usual 'smile' on my face like they used to see.. they also said they're worried that i might turn into one of the 'gangsters' cuz i look so down all the time..

first off - im Not a 'clown'.. i dont have to smile 24/7 to please you lol
second - one of the few people i absolutely cannot stand are 'thug-gangster wannabes'.. i would never become one even if i was at a gun point.. they're the most pitiful/pathetic/annoying people next to the feminists..
third, im not down.. its juss that im havin a hard time keeping all the pressure/stress from school/univ inside me..
i used to let it all out by hittin a gym nearby, or beat the heck out of my drums.. but i cant do any of them right now.. so im tryin hold it all in as much as i can..
so even if i look like im going to tear someone's head off, i wont lash it out on you so you dont have to worry about it..

anyway - that got me thinking.. what if i Did change?
what if i did become a scary/mean guy who'd make fun of you everytime you were in my presence?
would you guys still look at me the same way? probably not right?
i find that very interesting - how people have the ability to judge others based on their appearance so if someone looks/acts nice, all of a sudden you wanna be their friend, but if its the exact opposite, you dont even wanna sit next to them..

here's good question to ask..
Would your 'friends' still be your 'friends' even if you didn't look/act/talk the same way as you do now?

if you answered 'yes', you're a very lucky person.. its very hard to find people like that..
if you answered 'no', maybe its not too late to look for one..

BAH! =T

guess what? as to my "suprise".. my report card turned out absolutely Horrible! X(
this mark is the 2nd worst - no, maybe the Worst average ive ever had throughout my high skool life..
i almost cried myself to bed cuz of it.. no im serious, i was so disappointed in myself.. =T

so wut was this 'horrible' mark? i might as well be honest w/ u, its not like hiding will actually 'hide' ne thing.. sigh,
well the worst avg ive ever had was a 72, and this one was a 74.. yea i know its a bad mark, and i know complainin n whinin about this mark wont change a thing.. but its better if i write everythin thats in my head here rather than to lash it out at someone..

some ppl might think a 74 isnt such a 'bad mark'.. but if ur in grade 12.. and ur midterm report card is a 74.. it tells u something.. it tells u something Very Clearly..
man - i mean, i knew it was bad.. but a 74? sigh..

i was so shocked/angry/confused/perplexed at the moment i saw the seven and the four i was ready to rip it apart into pieces and burn the pieces and step on the ashes..
n e wyz.. i cant go on like this - i gotta keep my focus..

i dont have n e thing else to say..
i need a time alone away from everything..
maybe ill turn to him for help.. the one that sticks everything together in my life..

me a teacher?

2 months of skool is already gone, and yes its grade 12, the year that is the most important, the year that decides your future, blah blah etc..

but nothing's changed, im still the same old lazy ass that i was 3 years ago in grade 9.. i thought being the most important year and all, it would change my attitude towards school.. i think it did just the opposite.
grade 12 has become just another boring and meaningless year of school for me. sure you get to run the school and no other grades bother you anymore, but besides that, its the same old jail that i was in 3 years ago.

most of my peers would already have plans, know what they're going to do after they graduate, etc..
But for me, i never seem to settle with one goal.
When i was in gr7, i wanted to be a computer software engineer,
in gr9, i wanted to be a mathematician,
in gr10, i wanted to be an optometrist,
in gr11, i wanted to be a dentist,
and now - i want to teach, i want to become a teacher.
Yes i know its not a rich job, but ive got to bring my senses to reality. i know im not set to pull off 90avgs, and i know i never will - why? because i chose to slack off in the past 3 years, but that doesnt mean im mad at myself for slacking off,
im more than willing to face the responsibilities for doing so, and thats why ive set myself to be a teacher..

I am a firm believer that success doesnt necessarily mean becoming a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer, etc.
I believe success means doing well in something you love to do, not something that other people would love you for doing.

anyway - i said i wanted to be a teacher right? what kind of a teacher? well - at first i thought of teaching english, but that cant be the case since im an immigrant.. so i decided to stick with math, the only one subject that i am confident of being in.
also ive helped some ppl in math,
and ive never got a confused look or "explain that to me one more time cuz i hav no idea wut the hell ur talking about" as a feedback. So i think this is it for me, teaching math in high school.

Again, i know that this isnt the most amazing job out there, but its the best job that fits me.

and if you think otherwise - you can just take that opinion and shove it back in your throat cuz having Better jobs, going to Better universities, does NOT make you a Better person than others..
These qualities dont give you a power to judge others.. the only one who has such power is God and God only..


oh btw - guess who turns 17 tmw? >=D

no money = no honey

that phrase makes me feel so sad for our generation.. esp the asian ones lol.
i happen to run by a show that did a documentary on money, and how ppl think about money, and how far ppl will go to get that money..
i find it so sad that so many ppl among our generation are tryin to make Big money in their future. the show did some interesting polls and suprisingly, this was the result..

-every 33 out of the 34 ppl believe that making big money is the #1 goal in life.
-every 13 out of 15 men wish to make over 80grand a year.
-14 out of 22 married men (who makes over 80grand a year) has had an affair with another woman more than 4 times.
-every 9 out of 10 women wish to marry a man who makes over 80grand a year.
-every 7 out of 10 women refuses to marry a man who makes less than 20grand a year.
-82% of north american population participates in lottery.
-more than half of that 82% spends over $20-$110 on lottery per month.
-every 3 out of 10 ppl are willing to commit a serious crime for 1 million dollars.
-6 out of 20 rich families will not sleep at night because they fear they will get robbed.
-487 out of 550 ppl believe that money will solve all the problems they have in life.

i was so shocked and at the same time, felt pity for these ppl. they think money is everything and that money will solve all their problems. they believe money is the 'solution' in life. What is wrong w/ these ppl? dont they realize that money can give notting but a temporate satisfaction until the next desire comes?? i guran-Damn-tee that money will NOT bring you happiness.

i think im gettin a bit too angry about this, but i cant help it,
it pisses me off so much to hear my peers say, "oh man - i have to make lots of money in the future" or "its ok - all that money will make me happy" or even "as long as i have money - i dont need n e thing else"
u wouldnt understand how much this bothers me.. i juss wanna take a phonebook and smash it over their head and say "Wake UP!!"

i spat on the common future dream (Mansion house, 4 Mercedes, 5 garages, backyard w/ golf range etc..) longgggg time ago. i realize some ppl has absolutely No choice but to chase that future for either personal or family issues. but i juss dont get it when ppl think that'll bring them happiness. the more money you have, the more money you'll want. it's a never-ending cycle. you have to stop and think about what you ALREADY have. you have to realize that what you already have might be a future dream for other ppl. (my point is - stop saying 'i need more money'. Realize that what you have already might be a dream future for others)

am i know gettin thru you? you styll believe that money is the source of happiness and a solution to all ur problems? tell u what - why dont you juss go ahead and waste ur life chasin that 'big money' u want, and when you have that money - ask yourself if you're truly happy, or if you're wanting of your neighbor's money who is richer than you..

ughh - these ppl make me sick..
if you disagree, let me know..
cuz id be More Than Happy to crush your opinion and prove you wrong...